ByWomen, according to my rating, are the most mysterious creatures of God in the world. I’m not yet married (as of the time of this writing), but I’ve lived and worked with some women for several years. I tell you, they’re not like men. It took years for me to learn how they generally think and behave. Even now, I’m still learning. But knowing very well about the importance of marriage, I chanced upon 1 Peter 3:7, where Peter hit the nail hard on how believing husbands should treat their wives and dwell with them. Let’s take a look at the scripture before we dive in.
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them [your wives] with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
1 Peter 3:7 NKJV
Dwell with your wife with understanding
I hope you studied Math in school. And you noticed that it takes time and consistent study to understand a particular topic. Right? In the same way, it takes time to understand how to live with a woman, be it your mum, sister or wife. And God knows how men are. That’s why He has charged us that when it comes to marriage, we should dwell with our wives with understanding. Or let me say it differently to you: Become a student of your wife’s life. Don’t force her to live and do things like you do. Don’t talk to her like you’re speaking to another man. No! Study and understand her nature, the ways she does things, what she likes and dislikes, and most importantly, what she doesn’t know how to do in order for you to teach her and bring the best out of her for God’s glory.
Make up your mind to understand your wife as you live with her. She’ll not always do things the way you want or reach the excellent mark in everything you expect of her. But be like Jesus, who gave Himself for us (the brethren – His bride) and purged us of sin in order to make us zealous for good works (see Titus 2:14). Love your wife deeply despite fluctuating hormones in your body.
Give honour to your wife
Secondly, the scripture says that husbands should give honour to their wives. Because of the word “give” used, it implies that there’s a potential for a husband not to supply honour to his wife, even as a Christian.
The word “honour” in the Bible text above means “to fix a high value” on someone. If I honour you, I’ll treat you with high value, far more precious than any money you’ll give or things you’ll do for me.
In the same way, dear believing husband, you should place a high value on your wife. I’m a man, and I know men are as emotional as most women. There are times when there’ll be no “feeling of emotional connection” towards your wife. But never forget that marriage is a commitment, so trust God’s Word rather than your fluctuating emotions. And also, never forget that it’s through your wife that doors of favour started opening in your life the moment you found her (see Proverbs 18:22). If you’ll forget everything she has done for you, at least for the sake of her place as your helper, do not forget to give honour to her.
Make up your mind to understand your wife as you live with her. She’ll not always do things the way you want or reach the excellent mark in everything you expect of her. But be like Jesus, who gave Himself for us (the brethren – His bride) and purged us of sin in order to make us
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As to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life
Thirdly, your wife is a weaker vessel in your marriage. The word “weak,” according to the context of the Bible verse, doesn’t mean “no strength.” It just means ‘delicate.’ Women are delicate creatures. An offence you commit against them will likely remain in their thoughts for a long time because they aren’t as forgetful as men are.
Listen, dear believing husband, your wife is your helper. God gave you more physical strength so you could protect her. And also, God made her skin soft for various reasons, especially for her to enjoy your warm embrace and affection. Don’t treat her of less value in any way, no matter what people tell you about her. Once you’re married to her, you two are heirs together of the grace of life. That means you two’s lives are wrapped up in both of you, not one. Look at what Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NKJV) says,
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.”
Notice that the scripture doesn’t say “one’s labour” but “their labour.” Wait a minute. Doesn’t God know that men work harder than women? Yes, He does. But at the end of it all, He says the result of whatever work any couple does comes to both of them, not one. So, dear believing husband, it’s not your money but the couple’s money; it’s not your child but you two’s child. Practise saying “our” in your conversations as a husband and wife. You two will develop a much deeper sense of belonging in your marriage and the things you own together, even if it took more effort for one spouse to get it.
That your prayers may not be hindered.
Lastly, this is a warning to the husbands. God says,
- If you don’t dwell with your wife with understanding.
- Give honour to your wife.
- Respect her as the weaker vessel and heirs together with you of the grace of life,
Then, your prayers will be hindered. That’s a strong warning. But I kept wondering why God instituted this system. Here’s the answer.
Godly marriage is a reflection of the relationship Jesus has with the Church. So, if a husband doesn’t love and relate to his wife like Jesus does with the Church, God’s system is under compromise. And since God never changes, He would prefer to discipline you for you to come back to your senses instead of compromising to accommodate your wrong character.
Make no mistake; God’s principles never change despite the changing characteristics of humans. He’ll always be God, so focus on obeying the scriptures, and you’ll have no problem with Him.
Also read: Dear Believing Wife, Submit To Your Wife
